06.02.09 - Never Forgotten
This post is going to be different than my usual content. Those that know me know this isn’t a time in my life I openly talk about.
Ten years ago today I remember getting sent to the principal’s office. I was told my youngest sister was in the hospital because she ran into a bus and hit her head at the bus stop. I couldn’t help but laugh because of how stupid it sounded. I was told ‘Go home. Don’t worry about finals this semester. You graduate next week and your grades are fine’. I was young at the time and didn’t think much of it. No finals? You don’t have to tell me twice! I am sure she is fine. Why are they making a big deal out of this?
As I am driving home, I think about what just happened. I was confused. At this point, its around noon and I didn’t hear an update. I head to my the grocery store to buy flowers and a get well soon card. I am at the register trying to cash out, my card gets declined. Weird… I knew I had money in my account. Swipe again… Declined a second time… I figured it was my card so I tried the other card in my wallet… You guessed it… Declined… I called my parents and they told me they will meet me at home. As soon as I pull up, my uncle is waiting for me in the drive way. As any concerned person, I ask him if everything if everything is ok. He assured me everything is fine and asked me for my keys. Once again, I am confused. I handed my keys over wondering what he wanted. He said he just needed to make a quick trip but he wanted to drive my car instead of his. I walk in the door go to my room and I hear my aunt scream ‘she didn’t make it’. My uncle comes down to my room and tells me what really happened. I then knew what really happened. Time of death, the same time my card got declined.
Out of anger, I punched a hole through my bedroom door. I wasn’t angry because I didn’t find out right away. I was angry because of the last thing I said to her. The day before the accident, she wanted to play. I was running late for work at the time. I told her I couldn't play right now, maybe later. She was persistent and wouldn’t let me leave. I pushed her to the ground and said ‘get the hell away from me, I have to go to work’. It was the last thing I said to her. It was the last time I saw her. Out of all the things I’ve said in my life time, this is the only statement I regret… ten years later…
Moral of the Post: There are times when the pain is so overwhelming, it hurts more than the wound you suffered. There is no peace without forgiveness. It takes courage to take the next step. Today, I feel strong enough to face my mistake. I know she knows I didn’t mean it. I know she knows I love her. We all make mistakes and have struggles. We all regret things in our past but we are not our mistakes; we are not our struggles. We are here NOW with the ability to shape our future. Today, I finally found the courage to forgive myself.
